I know I have been a bad blogger :( I thought I had posted something and then realized that I actually lost it into the oblivion that is the web world or possibility posted it somewhere else who knows! It was this really great piece about patience and odds and the lottery. In many ways that is how trying to get pregnant can feel like... like planning to win the lotto! Craziness.
And then we had this last month, and well this last month was not so great and I guess I hid away because of it. A very dear Pastor of mine once said he always knew when something was wrong with someone in the congregation because they stopped coming to church. I guess I didn't show up because I was frustrated and didn't want to have to share the bad news of another failed attempt. It was a crazy month emotionally as well with lots of ups and downs. Well I invited you on this journey so I shouldn't leave you out in the cold! It is you my dear friends and family (and dare I say random reader?) that will help me through this and be there with me to cry and to cheer. So hear goes nothing!
I am not really sure what happened but all evidence points to: either not ovulating at all or I ovulated very early. In a way it was very sad, like I lost a very important moment. The opportunity was just gone, particularly if I did ovulate and I somehow missed it. I admittedly freaked out and started doing 3 OPK (ovulation predictor kits) a day thinking that maybe it was late, or that I hadn't timed it just perfect. This lasted until day 17. For perspective every other month except one a positive OPK came on day 13. And if you have never bought an OPK let me tell you they are expensive. Seven tests run you about $30.00. I scan the papers for sales and coupons. When really I have been fine doing one a day for the last 5 months and catching my LH surge without any issues. So, I might have gone overboard. I just couldn't believe that I wasn't getting a smiley face. (a smiley face is what appears when you have a positive OPK, its very cute).
It happens sometimes, especially as we get older, that we just don't ovulate. But alas we are in a new cycle and looking forward to another try. If this one doesn't work I may consider kicking it up a notch to IVF.
As I stare down my 34th birthday next week, I so hoped I would be pregnant by now. But I am grateful that I have someone who loves me and is 20 times more patient than I am (in this area, cleaning out the litter box is a completely different story) and is zen about the whole thing. She keeps me calm and reminds me about the statistics. My favorite when I entered in another cycle without a pregnancy into my nifty little app (oh yes, there is an app for this too!!) was that it takes a healthy heterosexual couple (translation: lots of fresh sperm on hand) on average of 3-6 months. Well I am technically only now on try number 4 over the last 5 months. So it's not so bad.
I have a theory: Those who got pregnant on the first try? They were trying they just didn't count those months because they thought they weren't really trying and everyone else did IVF. : o)~
Here we go again! May this month bring a happy egg, doing a happy dance, out to play.
Thanks everyone for your love and support. Cheers!