Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Friday, April 15, 2011

An Egg Walks Into A Bar...


There are bars, match.com, eharmony, and apparently the produce section at Trader’s Joe’s. And now allow me to introduce you to the ultimate shopping aisle for your future children: the sperm bank. For some, there is an endless free supply found it the form of an intimate partner.  Mine does not come with such a supply, but hot damn if I can’t get pregnant I just happen to have a second set of ovaries on hand as a back up plan. As the Warrior Princess puts it “we have two shots at this”.  The fact remains we need some little swimmers to get our little kickers.

Anyone who knows me knows I LOVE to shop.  I must admit, that in all my adventures I have never shopped for anything like this. 

At first I thought there was only like 1, but with modern shipping and technologies you can access facilities all over the country.  Their prices, “products”, requirements, and philosophies vary so much it is almost incomprehensible.  Some charge more for PHD graduates, another has only donors that are willing to be known after only 3 months after the baby is born.  While others still get down to the basics and don’t mess around with fluff.

Now let me tell you!  There is almost too much information out there.  I started making spreadsheets …and had to stop.  Some banks offer celebrity look a likes, while others still offer baby photos of the donors, or photo matching to someone you know.  Kiersey Personality tests?  You bet.  Wanna hear their voice? Some have that too. Facial feature assessment by staff? Sure, why not.  Baring everything privately medical out for the whole world?  Required.

Sperm banks of the movies?  I don't know that those places actually exist.  You can't just walk in make a deposit and leave.  One showed the level of attrition of donors from when they first come in until the ones that are actually offered up and it was only like 1% of the initial applicants.  Can you imagine?  As I was filling out my own medical questionnaire for my fertility clinic I realized that no one would want my sperm if I had any to offer.  I totally would have been washed out early on.

Ladies, before you get married have your man donate sperm.  Why you ask? Because you will find out more about him and his family's medical history then you ever even thought to ask about.  Sure it takes away some of the mystery of getting to know someone, but heck you will have a full panel STD test done and at least you won't be getting to know him in a way you didn't want to.  Seriously, as a guy I would think you would have to have certain tough skin to make it through the screening process. Then you have to wait 6 months and do it all over again.

Needless to say this part of the process has been months in the making because of the sheer volume of information to absorb and work through.  But I do want to make a declaration: We are thankful for the dedication and tenacity of these donors.  Because of their willingness to follow through a minimum of 6 month process and uncomfortably private questions and testing done on them that a majority of people would never have done, we, and many other families have a chance to have a baby.  So thank you! (Not that any of them are reading my blog lol)

Thursday, April 7, 2011

Welcome to my Blog!!

I decided to set-up this separate space for my friends, family, and anyone else who is interested in following what is bound to be an adventure filled with heartache, heartwarming and most importantly humor!!

So why Zero to Pregnant?  Well for those of you who don't know... I never wanted kids, well to be more exact the idea of pregnancy completely grosses me out (still does) and I had no faith in my ability to do a good job (still have to wonder).

But that changed somewhere in the last 3 years.  A perfect storm of events if you will.

1) I was diagnosed with cancer at 29.  Cancer itself is a wake up call (good morning this is the hotel operator with your 7:00 wake up call) about your future, getting told you might not be able to have kids because of it?  Alarm Clock going off LATE (Get the hell out of bed. You are running late and you have probably already missed the bus. AAAAAHHHH).

It's one thing to make a choice to not have a child but you always know the option is there so you can change your mind.  But to have that opportunity taken away? Ouch.

2) Turning 30. I know, I know it's cliche. So sue me, I am sure this won't be the last time, but it's true!  I used to be awkward around kids (same with dogs) didn't really get the whole "maternal instinct" thing and cringed at the idea of diapers.  I turned 30 (okay I think it was closer to my 31 Birthday) and holy smokes my biological mommy clock went into overdrive.  All of sudden I could see myself with kids, found myself being interested in a family, and was drawn like a moth to a flame to adorable little babies. Little feelings of jealousy when everyone around me was having babies and seeing how this one simple thing made them whole.

3) A precious baby.  My niece was born 2 months premature and truly when they say it takes a village, this little girl needed a village.  I was honored to be a part of that group.  To watch this beautiful baby learn, struggle, see, touch, and well...fart, I was blown away.  okay pun not intended lol.  Through this I learned that not only could I care for a child, but I wanted to.

4) Stability.  I am in a great place in my life, good job, car with room to grown, etc. most importantly with a beautiful partner whom I adore and builds me up.  She  (names and identifying information will be changed to protect the completely guilty, snazzy pseudonym to come) is my rock and together we build a strong foundation.  I don't know if there is ever a perfect time but now is as good as it will ever get. So here we go!!

Welcome to my Adventures in Conception... the NOT so old fashioned way :)