Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

Friday, April 15, 2011

An Egg Walks Into A Bar...

There are bars,, eharmony, and apparently the produce section at Trader’s Joe’s. And now allow me to introduce you to the ultimate shopping aisle for your future children: the sperm bank. For some, there is an endless free supply found it the form of an intimate partner.  Mine does not come with such a supply, but hot damn if I can’t get pregnant I just happen to have a second set of ovaries on hand as a back up plan. As the Warrior Princess puts it “we have two shots at this”.  The fact remains we need some little swimmers to get our little kickers.

Anyone who knows me knows I LOVE to shop.  I must admit, that in all my adventures I have never shopped for anything like this. 

At first I thought there was only like 1, but with modern shipping and technologies you can access facilities all over the country.  Their prices, “products”, requirements, and philosophies vary so much it is almost incomprehensible.  Some charge more for PHD graduates, another has only donors that are willing to be known after only 3 months after the baby is born.  While others still get down to the basics and don’t mess around with fluff.

Now let me tell you!  There is almost too much information out there.  I started making spreadsheets …and had to stop.  Some banks offer celebrity look a likes, while others still offer baby photos of the donors, or photo matching to someone you know.  Kiersey Personality tests?  You bet.  Wanna hear their voice? Some have that too. Facial feature assessment by staff? Sure, why not.  Baring everything privately medical out for the whole world?  Required.

Sperm banks of the movies?  I don't know that those places actually exist.  You can't just walk in make a deposit and leave.  One showed the level of attrition of donors from when they first come in until the ones that are actually offered up and it was only like 1% of the initial applicants.  Can you imagine?  As I was filling out my own medical questionnaire for my fertility clinic I realized that no one would want my sperm if I had any to offer.  I totally would have been washed out early on.

Ladies, before you get married have your man donate sperm.  Why you ask? Because you will find out more about him and his family's medical history then you ever even thought to ask about.  Sure it takes away some of the mystery of getting to know someone, but heck you will have a full panel STD test done and at least you won't be getting to know him in a way you didn't want to.  Seriously, as a guy I would think you would have to have certain tough skin to make it through the screening process. Then you have to wait 6 months and do it all over again.

Needless to say this part of the process has been months in the making because of the sheer volume of information to absorb and work through.  But I do want to make a declaration: We are thankful for the dedication and tenacity of these donors.  Because of their willingness to follow through a minimum of 6 month process and uncomfortably private questions and testing done on them that a majority of people would never have done, we, and many other families have a chance to have a baby.  So thank you! (Not that any of them are reading my blog lol)

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